Re-booting

I have had so much catharsis these past few days.  So very much.  I feel like I am making strides I have been trying to make for years, and I am just now "getting" it.  It is like walking.  First you learn to sit up, then creep, then crawl, then you take steps holding on to things, then you work up to a few wobbly steps and then you have to take that chance and let go and do it on your own.  I feel like that perfectly explains the process.

I feel like I am sort of re-booting my life, my mind, and even my soul.  I am learning so much about myself, and for the first time in many years, I am perfectly happy and content with myself.  I know I sound like a broken record, but really, this is an amazing feeling.

I am working through guilt.  I have carried a tremendous burden of guilt for so many years.  I wear my guilt like a fine mink stole.  At first, I just wrapped myself up in it, not knowing anything else to do with it.  Then over the years it has become stifling, uncomfortable, and overwhelming.  Self-reflection is hard work.  It can be very taxing on the body, both physically and mentally.  But it is worth it. 

My guilt is now a scarf.  It is still there, but it is breathable, light-weight, and I can finally move with it and not have it hinder my ability to live and love and be happy.  I am working on unraveling it.  I know it will be a process, as so much of life is, but I am determined to keep on picking at the string until I am free of it.