Family

I want to start off by saying that I know that the word family is not just defined as someone you are related to.  I get that.  I know that sometimes, many times, people you are not related to become family.  I have many family that fall into that category.  But for today's blog post, I am referring to the family unit, as in the parents/partners with or without children type of family.

I did use facebook to keep up with family, both the related type and the not related type.  It's a great way to keep up with people.  I do enjoy reading about my friends and their families and seeing the things that they do as families.  It's uplifting to read about family events and celebrations.  It's not so good, however, when I am spending too much time reading about others and their families while ignoring what's going on under my own roof.  Without the distractions of facebook, I am finding that I am spending more time with my own family.  There are no more "wait just a second, I have to check something" or "wait until I am done reading..." going on.  That's not to say I am not spending free time doing other things and that I immediately drop what I am doing to meet someone else's needs, but rather, I am less distracted or caught up in someone else's life and am spending more time in the here and now.  It has been a wonderful thing.

I had 2 conversations with two different friends today, and in both, we talked about families.  Our family seems to be the exception to the rule.  We do almost everything together as a family.  Nick has the mens group he goes to, and I do go to my crochet group every week (not this week, and I'll get to that in a bit), and it's certainly healthy for parents to take some time out for themselves.  I am not blasting anyone who does that.  I can really think of only a handful of families that work like this.  Families that when a kid has a doctor appointment, or a medical procedure, the entire family goes out to support them.  We do have appointments sometimes where one parent stays home with the others, but we have had many many more where we all go together.  We do grocery shopping together.  We go to the library together.  We spend time fostering our relationships together.

What seems to be the norm nowadays is that the parents have their activities, and the kids have their individual activities, and never the twain shall meet.  The surprising place I see this happen is at church.  My older three daughters will be having their First Holy Communion in May.  This past Saturday, a planned activity (since the beginning of classes in September) was a quilt square day.  The kids were to come in with at least one parent, and work on their quilt squares for First Communion.  I didn't really feel like getting up early on a Saturday, but it was something important.  I was not the only parent there, there were others, but there were also kids that were just dropped off.  Yes, these kids were old enough to do it alone, and there were several teachers there to supervise, but the lack of parental involvement astonished me.

I asked if I could take home 3 extra squares (for Nick, Evy and myself) so that when they are complete, we can make a wall hanging from them to place over our home altar space.  Immediately designs and several extra squares were given to me.  The teachers were elated at the idea.  In the past, they had tried to do family wall hangings, even giving the parents everything they needed to do it at home in their own time, and it ended up a disaster with no one participating.  It really makes me sad to think about that.

This Sunday, Nick and I subbed in the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade class.  It was an honor, and a blessing, and really, a wonderful way to start the week.  Honestly, if it ended up being a class full of trouble makers and I only answered one child's question, it would have been full worth it.  That wasn't the case.  I walked out of there feeling really blessed to be able to take part in teaching those children. 

Our classes at church are called Faith Formation classes.  I really thought about that and touched upon it in my teaching.  Our faith is not something we should live just one day a week.  It is something that needs to grow and develop, starting from a young age, that will be with us every day of our lives.  I have often said that I don't want to "have faith," rather, I want to LIVE my faith.  We talked about faith, and what our faith is.  We talked about formation and what it meant.  We are helping these kids, and all the teachers are, to form their faith.  We are teaching them to understand their faith and how to use it every day to keep it alive.

On a side note, a friend asked me today if there was any difference between teaching a kids class at the Catholic Church and when I taught class at a protestant church.  It made me think.  What was different?  I have taught many lessons on Bible stories.  You name it, I have probably taught about it.  Or ideas/concepts that go along with Christianity, Love Thy Neighbor, Be Respectful to Others, even if you don't like them, Being Good Stewards, etc etc etc.  In this class, we taught our FAITH.  The tenets of what we believe in as Catholics.  We are teaching kids to know why they believe what they believe, and how to use that to not only grow their Faith and share it with others, but also to defend their Faith.  Please, no matter what religion you are, please please please understand and learn why you believe what you believe, and teach it to your children.  You are doing yourself and your kids a major disservice if you don't.

One of the things I love most about attending Mass is that we attend it together as a family.  I am used to the kids going off to their classrooms (which mine still do, but it is between Masses, not during a Mass) and the adults go off to the service, and you get together after service, ask your kid what they learned and move on until the next week.  That has been the norm in every church I have attended up until the decision to convert.  We go to Mass together, sometimes all squished into a small pew, but we hear and experience and see and read the same things.  Even Evy has a book that follows along what it going on and she is pretty good at keeping up with what we are doing and turning to that page in her book. 

We get many many comments on how well the kids are behaved, how they are polite, etc.  They get praised often for their actions.  They sometimes get confused wondering what they are doing that deserves such praise, what are other kids doing that is so different.  I think for us, it is because we are a very close-knit family, and we talk a lot about our faith, and how to carry it every day.

Now, for the crochet group.  My kids have been model kids outside of our home for a long time.  At home, lately, things have gone down the tubes.  People are not being polite to one another, getting attitudes and ugly tones with siblings (I know it is considered old-fashioned, but I do NOT tolerate name-calling or insulting family members.)  Chore are being ignored in favor of doing what a kid wants rather than do what they are supposed.  The chores that are getting done are not being done correctly, just barely to the minimal standard.  Things they were being asked to do were answered with complaint.  I know we've had some rough times lately, and I know that last week particularly was very hectic with a lot of running around.  I am a homebody, and going out to an appointment every day was hard for me and left me exhausted and crabby.  I decided to skip my group and stay home so we could have some family time and a family meeting to discuss.

Everything fell in three categories, Thoughts, Words, and Deeds/Actions.  We talked about them.  We were honest.  We admitted where we had gone wrong.  We did this in a constructive manner, no scolding or reprimanding were necessary.  We talked as parents, and listened to the girls and their opinions and thoughts.  Sometimes, even close families need a powwow to regroup.  That is what we did.

Today has been much more pleasant.  People are being respectful of each other, jobs have gotten done, even volunteering for jobs that no one wants to do.  People who would normally cry over the thought of doing something overwhelming took a moment to step back, approached it in a more productive manner, and got it done.  The best part?  We did it together.  Everyone chipped in and everything that needed to get done got done.  We are a pretty cohesive family, but sometimes we need to re-shoot the azimuth and have a fresh start.

I know this will wear off in time, as we get back into everything becoming routine again, but then we can have another meeting and discuss it.  We will do it together, as a family.  Every family goes through on and off or in and out times.  What do you do with your family to foster your sense of togetherness, especially when things seem like they are falling apart?  I'd love to hear what you do to regroup.