Two Words

First Reconciliation.

I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and even though I was nervous about it, it went so well and I feel such a sense of peace. 

There is just something about hearing those words of absolution that lightens the heart and the spirit. 

That is all.

insert witty/meaningful title here

I really have nothing poignant to say today.  Really, just nothing to say at all. 

It was just a day.  I think after yesterday and the night prior, I am just spent, both physically from all the scrubbing, and mentally from all the stress of it.  I felt generally agitated and crabby all day, but that is to be expected.

I guess after yesterday's adventure, a regular old day seems pretty boring.  Something I have come to realize in my old(er) age: boring is a good thing.

I did talk to one of my best friends earlier and we talked through what happened yesterday, and a good sign is that I felt better when I was done.  Another good sign is that I could laugh about it. 

The home warranty people called to explain to me exactly why the plumbing issue was not covered, and while I disagree with the reasons, at least I now know what they are. 

But it was just a day.  Not good, not bad, just was. 

Tomorrow, well, tomorrow I will have something to write about. 

A bump in the road

This is the first time since I gave up facebook that it really hit the fan.  No pun intended, but you'll get it if you continue to read.

Today was really the first day I missed being able to reach out with a "help, this is what is happening, anyone know what to do about it" situation.  But I survived it, and I did reach out to and talk with 3 of my friends who all helped in the process of "talking me down."

After my post last night, I was still on my happy high, crocheting away, having fun, enjoying the ending to the day.  Then a kid took a bath.  Then one of the girls told me there was water all over their bathroom floor.  Then we realized it wasn't from the tub, it was coming out from under the toilet.  Then we flushed the toilet to check and more water poured out.  As the hubby plunged (after I grilled the girls on if anything was flushed down the toilet and on toilet paper usage) even more water came out.  It was coming from the bottom of the toilet where it meets the floor.  This was especially frustrating because it was around a year ago or so that friends came down and helped us rip out the flooring, replace the flange, set a new wax seal, fix the sink, re-do the flooring, etc.  We pretty much ripped everything out and fixed/replaced.

Then when someone went to use our bathroom (2 toilet house) it was discovered that water was coming out from under our toilet too.  Then it started backing up into the bath tubs also.  Of course this happened Sunday night when no one is available. 

Long story short and without giving out the sordid details, we survived the night, the morning came, along with a plumber, and a few hundred dollars later, we now have 2 working toilets again.

I am a girl who prefers natural cleaners.  Not for this job.  I went to the store and came home with a pair of heavy duty rubber gloves, a bottle of heavy duty cleaner that kills 99.9% of nasties, heavy duty laundry detergent (to clean every single towel in our house that was used to soak up the water), and a bottle of wine.

Now that the towels are laundered, the bathrooms are disinfected and sanitized, and I am disinfected and sanitized, I think it's time to open up that bottle of wine.

But, we survived.  Nothing went in an ideal way.  It was horrible.  It was taxing both physically and financially, but we survived.  I realize this is just a bump in the road, and we have gotten over it.  I know we will have more, especially as we continue on this journey, but I also know we are not alone and that we will get through.

Chain and chat

Today turned out to be an awesome day.  Of course we went to Mass this morning, which is always a good pick me up.  I love going to Mass.  It leaves me with such a peace in my soul, and it really recharges my batteries for the week ahead.  My hubby loves Mass, and the girls love Mass and we all look forward to going each week. Even though it is the day us girls have to get up the earliest, everyone wakes up willingly and with no complaining.  We were going on Wednesday nights as well before our class, however the use of incense during Holy Hour really aggravates asthma girl, so we avoid that day of the week.

I had talked to some women last month regarding a get together for a crochet group and I expressed interest in going.  I forgot to ask about it the day it was to start, or I was busy or something (I do not really remember a month ago) and I didn't end up going.  I thought it was a monthly thing, but wasn't sure.  With so much going on lately, it didn't occur to me to ask someone.

After Mass today, I went into the book store/gift shop to get a gift for someone, and the woman running the shop is the one heading up the crochet group.  I was mentioning that I needed some more coffee, and she mentioned first where to get coffee (God bless the guy who makes coffee every week!) and then that the group was meeting at 2:30.  I told her I was pretty tired and run down, but I might make it.  Honestly, after yesterdays bit of anxiety, I was leery about going out alone again, and also, we usually spend Sunday together as a family.

I mentioned it to the hubster, and he said I should definitely go.  I tend to find excuses not to go to things.  Truthfully, when I am not typing behind a computer screen, I am shy.  I am a social introvert for sure, and new people and situations make me nervous.  I love to crochet.  It sometimes makes me feel like an old lady (complete with my arthritis at the ripe old age of 37), but I love it.  I am also not good at it.  I am good at some things, but I am pretty much self taught after a lesson with a family member, and I am just now (after years and years) learning to read a pattern, and sometimes I don't understand what a pattern is saying to do, and I make it up as I go along.  I feared that my skills weren't up there with the other ladies, and I didn't want to be an annoyance or cause someone to spend the entire time teaching me.

I thought some and realized that hubby was right.  I should go.  I need to get involved, and to hang out with other women who are mentors to me on this faith journey, and with others who are of a like mind.  While picking up the girls from their classes, I asked another lady what we were required to bring.  She said just yarn and a hook, see you at 2:30.  So it was decided.

At a quarter after 2, I nervously packed up a couple of skeins of yarn and my pack of various sized crochet hooks and headed out the door.  I told the family I would probably be no longer than an hour.  I didn't imagine I'd be gone that long, seeing as how I had already decided I'd probably either be a big flop or I'd crash and burn socially after that long.  I couldn't have been more wrong.

I was welcomed right in, and even when I informed them that I was self taught and at beginner level, only having made blankets, hats and scarves, I was told I wasn't the only one, and that if I made a hat, I was surely better than I thought.  I looked at the sample the leader had brought in and thought, "whoa, I am waaaaaay out of my league here!"  Then I looked at the pattern, which appeared to be written in a foreign language, and felt certain I would end up sitting there without a clue.

We started together, row by row, and when we got to a part that someone didn't understand (I wasn't the only one!!) we talked over it longer, and when necessary, the leader came around and showed us how.  The longer we crocheted, the more comfortable I got.  The more comfortable I got, the chattier I became.  We all sat there, women of all different ages and backgrounds, with the common bond of being Catholic (or almost in my case) and love of yarn crafting.  We talked about crafts, about what things were like when we were growing up, our families, our interests, little things about us (like I am a lefty, technically, but I crochet with my right hand) and just about all kinds of things.  We drank coffee, there were snacks, but mostly we just sat there and enjoyed our time.

Before I left, hubby and I had planned on eating our Sunday dinner around 4:30 or so.  You know, because I wasn't going to be gone that long.  (Sunday crock pot dinner for the win!  Throw it all in before Mass and come home to a dinner that's already made!)  I decided to look at my watch, being sure only an hour had passed.  I was shocked when I discovered that it had been over 2 hours.  Even though I wasn't done with my square (I believe the end goal of these weekly projects is to make various types of squares and then put them together into an afghan), I was well on my way and had gotten the approval that my work indeed looked the way it should.  I did decide to go ahead and leave, since I knew I was being waited on for dinner at home. 

The ladies thanked me for coming and I thanked them as well for asking me and told them that I was thankful I came, because I am shy and I was worried I wouldn't be good enough.  They said that I did very very well (look at those nice perfect stitches!) and that they were glad I decided to come and they look forward to having me every week.  I walked out of there feeling like a new woman.  It has been a long while since I felt like I "belong" anywhere, and I felt so much like a part of things, and I felt like I had a place where being me was just fine.  I was glowing, and happy and so content with myself.  I am thankful that I pushed myself, and most thankful that God gave me the opportunity to meet these wonderful ladies and welcome me into their group.

And then I stopped at McDonald's for a sweet tea on the way home, where I got hit on by a much younger guy.  Yep, my 37 year old gray-haired arthritic self got hit on.  As silly as it sounds, I smiled as I walked away with my tea. 

What a perfect day!

Just a rainy Saturday

Sometimes I think God gives us rainy Saturdays just so we can have a day to stay in and relax and cuddle up with a book or a movie.  Except today was not our typical rainy Saturday.

The hubby had to go in to work today.  He is "The Voice of the Marne" which translates into he is the narrator for a crap ton of various ceremonies.  Typically they take place during the week and work hours, but today was the odd weekend one.  He enjoys doing it, though, and this one was fun because it involved some kids sports teams getting recognized. 

We had planned on going to the commissary after he got home, but then we quickly realized it was a military payday weekend, and that means that the commissary was going to be packed.  And walmart, and probably Kroger too.  We had discussed actually driving to a different town just to have a change of scenery and hopefully to avoid the throngs of people shopping in our small town.  But then the rain hit.

I had this brilliant idea that I'd just go to Sav-a-lot and pick up the things we needed to get through the week.  It's a great way to save money on groceries, and while the choices are limited, they usually have what we need and we can make do with substitutions when we need to.  I donned my jacket that doubles as a rain coat and set out by myself.  I figured it was silly for more than one person to get wet, so I went alone, which is a rarity.

I tend to go out with the girls in tow, or on occasion, just Nick and I.  I didn't realize how accustomed I have become to not doing things alone.  I know some people relish their alone time and love shopping without the family, and going out and doing things to have their own space.  And everyone always tells me, "It's good to have some time alone" and "every mom needs some alone time" but to be honest, I actually prefer to have company.  Lately, my "alone time" has come in the form of saying my rosary, or reading a book.  I don't feel the need to get out and away from everyone in my house.  Some people tell me that is not healthy, and I don't have an answer to that.  If I feel content, is it still unhealthy?

Of course I have the times where I just want some peace and quiet, and maybe it is unhealthy that I don't know what to do with myself when I am alone, but I don't think it's that I've become dependent on my family, or that I am afraid to be alone with my own thoughts.  I had times like those in the past, but I don't feel that way now.  I think instead, I have just become content with my life the way it is, and I don't see a need to change that.

In any case, I actually found myself dreading the shopping.  It wasn't the weather.  I am a weirdo who loves the rain, and driving in it (as long as I can still see out of my windshield) is oddly comforting and relaxing.  I hate shopping around here and maybe it's just that it's been so long since I've been shopping alone.  I am also not one who finds comfort in shopping.  I thought of going to the dollar store, but it wasn't right by the area I was heading, so I ditched that idea.  Then I thought of walking around Big Lots so I could take a breather and try to get more comfortable alone, but I quickly decided to just stick to my original plan.

It was pretty empty in the store, just a few other shoppers, and it didn't take me long to get what I needed.  By the time I checked out, it was pouring even harder and I got thoroughly soaked on the way out to the car.  By the time I got home, I was drenched, and when the hubs came out of the door to help bring in groceries, I told him to just stay there and I'd bring the bags to the front steps.  I walked in trailing water everywhere and my jeans were wet up to my knees. 

I don't know why it was uncomfortable for me to shop alone, or if that's a bad sign, or anxiety rearing its head, not really sure, and while it was slightly annoying, I am not going to over-analyze it and instead I was just happy to get into some warm dry clothes and go back to my book.

Let them eat cake!

Well, cupcakes, anyway.  The highlight of the day was making cupcakes.  Tonight we went to our first ever Lenten fish fry (as a family, I went to some back in Buffalo when the oldest was in utero).  Our church holds a fish fry every Friday during the Lenten season.  It is so different converting to Catholicism in the south, at least in this area where it seems that being Catholic is quite unusual.  I have lived in many cities where there are several Catholic churches.  The last time I went a fish fry, the big deal was to find out which church/meeting place had the best one.  The VFW was by far the best.  Here, we only have on Catholic Church in our town.  We pass many other churches on the way from our house to our parish, but none are Catholic.  I did see a sign for Checkers Fish Bites Box on a billboard, but I haven't seen many other food items put out especially for those observing Lent. 

Our parish isn't very large, at least it seems like the volunteers that put on things like the fish fry are the ones that organize most things.  So going to a function, I am sure to see the same people, and it always makes me smile inside and I relish this feeling of belonging to a community.  It is nice to walk in and see the girls catechism teachers, or women from the CCW.  I am getting to know them, and they are getting to know me and I believe it won't be long before I am recruited in. 

Anyway, back to cake.  The women's group sent an email letting us know that it would be greatly appreciated to bring in cupcakes for the fish fry.  The dinner includes fish, fries, coleslaw, bread, and grits (I think this is a southern thing as well.  We eat them for breakfast frequently, but haven't had them with something like fish before).   Also a drink and dessert are included in the price.  We missed the fish fry last week, but I thought since we were planning on going tonight, we'd bring some cupcakes.

Hannah and Sophia are my little bakers, so they baked the cupcakes and I decorated them.  I bought a new icing bag and tips just for this, and then I ended up printing off some little toppers to go on as well.  The girls assembled the toppers and watched with delight while I piped on tons of icing.  We put them in the carrier and couldn't wait to take them.

It is funny how something small as contributing cupcakes brings such appreciation, and how good it made us feel to be able to contribute.  Again, it's that sense of community that we are feeling, and it feels good. 

So now I believe we will be making cupcakes every week to bring along.  I am a big dork and I spent some time this evening coming up with different decorating ideas and things I can make to put on top.  I can't wait until the next time so we can bring some more. I think it will be a great service project for the girls and I to participate in together.  I plan on getting the younger two involved next time. 

Oh, and the fish fry was out of this world.  Everyones plates were empty and we walked away with full bellies and hearts. 

Nothing to see here

Nothing new going on today.  I have pretty much decided to scrap the rest of the week as far as my to-do list goes and instead relish in my new found ability to relax.  I've read more books this past week than I have in quite some time.  I love it.  My daily list is no longer weighing me down like a ball and chain, rather it has become fluid and non-concrete.  Oddly, I am quite alright with that.

We had a thought provoking class last night and I got pretty vocal (I usually pipe up once or twice, but remain quiet for most of it usually).  It was a subject that I am passionate about and it felt good to be vocal and not care if anyone else shared my same sentiment.  Again, I am oddly okay with that also.

If you are the praying sort, please pray for me.  Something has been laid upon my heart and there are so many different directions it could lead me, but for now, it is something that is just in the prayer process.  I need to figure out what I am to do with this subject of the heart, and I am content knowing that right now is not a time of action, and I am also content knowing that there may never be a time of action regarding this.  The only thing I can do now is pray on it.  So that is what I am doing.  If you feel led, please pray as well.  (I believe that we don't necessarily have to know exactly what the situation is that is being prayed about, as God already knows, but extra prayer can only help.)