It's been one week since starting my facebook fast. I have learned many things during this time. I am finding myself closer to my friends, having more meaningful relationships with them, and even though I cherished my friendships before, I am seeing now just how fully those that God has put in my life have nourished and enriched it. I am very thankful for that.
I am happier in my own skin. This has been a very cathartic time, and I first thought that without the constant interaction with my "facebook friends" I would feel lonely. Honestly, I have felt less lonely than I did before. I am learning to feel my feelings, and think my thoughts, and be comfortable with them. I am focusing on what I am feeling and doing a lot of soul searching without the distraction. As I told a dear friend earlier, soul searching can sometimes be painful, emotional, and exhausting. But the payoff in the end is well worth it.
I am becoming much more productive with my time. Today I did nothing. Well, I ate, made sure the kids were fed, and I schooled my children. Other than that, nothing of major consequence was done. Instead, I sat on the couch a majority of the rest of the day and read a book. Before, I could have wasted the same amount of time looking around on facebook, and not felt content with how I spent my time. Now, even if I slack off on my to-do list, I am okay with that.
I think I am finally learning how to relax. I didn't realize how keyed up I tend to be, and I think I had forgotten how to relax. Now, I am feeling less stress and pressure, and relaxing is coming easier and easier. I know there are a bunch of things I need to eventually get to, appointments to make, things that need taken care of, but none of them are pressing me to the point where I feel so overwhelmed I can't get figure out where to start. I have slept better in the last few days than I think I have in the last few months.
This is one of the most stressful times of my life. After getting medically evacuated out of Iraq, my husband spent 5 months 3 hours away from us getting treated medically, having surgery and doing rehabilitation. He spent 3 more months doing the same here at home, and then was found medically fit to return to duty. 3 months later, he was found medically unable to continue serving.
Since then, it has been one long process of waiting and waiting and waiting. Finally, his official "you are unfit" came back. I think that was in January. Now we wait for disability percentage. This percentage will determine if he will be medically discharged (pat on the butt and a good game) or if he will be medically retired (he will receive a monthly retirement and disability payment, and we get to keep our health insurance and have the ability to get onto military posts for things like the PX and Commissary). We are also waiting for an end date. The date he will be done. There have been job interviews that we are waiting on as well.
Not having one inkling of what the future holds is incredibly unsettling. I am a planner by nature, and not being able to plan anything is stressful. Our 20 year plan was cut short by about 8 years, and now we are left scrabbling for a backup plan.
Despite all of this, I am feeling at peace. I am confident that the God that has called us to this journey will not leave us uncapable of dealing with it, and He will not leave us alone, but instead will carry us through. There is nothing to be gained by worrying or fretting. There is nothing that I can do that is productive about this situation that we are not already doing, and so we sit and wait and I am oddly okay with that too.
The most important thing I have learned? Just to be.
Rustic Altar at St. Augustine
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Friends vs. Acquaintances
If there is one thing I am realizing more and more as the days go by, it is the differences in friends and acquaintances. I have realized just how many times I have found myself saying things like this friend on facebook posted...oh, I have this friend on facebook who had this great idea to...my facebook friend is doing...
I am seeing that most of the time when I have said those words, the person I am referring to isn't really a friend. I do believe that acquaintances are put in our lives for a purpose. I don't think having acquaintances is a bad thing. I think they can enrich our lives, and sometimes we have something to learn from them, and sometimes we can teach them something and basically they are a good thing.
I think the trouble comes in when a person confuses an acquaintance with a friend. So many times one of my girls has said something to me about their friend so and so, that they happen to have met at a party and have only seen once and likely never will again. Or they meet a new child at a playground and they are their new friend. It's nothing but pure innocence when they are young. Every child is a friend, and they don't know that not all people who you meet and interact with are friendly.
As my oldest daughter has gotten to the teen years, we've had to have some talks. Friends are not mean to you, they don't disrespect you. When we changed churches, this really came up. She missed her friends from youth group, and her friends she saw at church. We had to have the talk about friends and how a majority of these people she had no contact with outside of church, and how if someone never calls you, talks to you, emails you, etc. etc. are they really your friend.
I am seeing just who in my life is a friend and just who in my life is an acquaintance. When you disconnect yourself from a major social source such as facebook, suddenly the interaction goes from a large amount of people to just a handful. I am annoyed with myself that I have been sharing details of my life with people who don't care to stay in touch. I am not upset with the people, just myself. It seems like if it takes less effort to keep up with someone, people have no problem reaching out, and if it takes more effort and isn't directly at your fingertips, less people do.
I am okay with all of this. It is a good thing. My friends reach out and they have been very supportive of me, and have thought of me and called, emailed, or come by. My real true friends know exactly who they are, and I am so thankful that God has chosen to bless my life through them. I am thankful that the acquaintances that I have/have had are/were in my life as well. Mostly I am thankful for the clarity I am beginning to have to see which are which and what to do with that information.
I am seeing that most of the time when I have said those words, the person I am referring to isn't really a friend. I do believe that acquaintances are put in our lives for a purpose. I don't think having acquaintances is a bad thing. I think they can enrich our lives, and sometimes we have something to learn from them, and sometimes we can teach them something and basically they are a good thing.
I think the trouble comes in when a person confuses an acquaintance with a friend. So many times one of my girls has said something to me about their friend so and so, that they happen to have met at a party and have only seen once and likely never will again. Or they meet a new child at a playground and they are their new friend. It's nothing but pure innocence when they are young. Every child is a friend, and they don't know that not all people who you meet and interact with are friendly.
As my oldest daughter has gotten to the teen years, we've had to have some talks. Friends are not mean to you, they don't disrespect you. When we changed churches, this really came up. She missed her friends from youth group, and her friends she saw at church. We had to have the talk about friends and how a majority of these people she had no contact with outside of church, and how if someone never calls you, talks to you, emails you, etc. etc. are they really your friend.
I am seeing just who in my life is a friend and just who in my life is an acquaintance. When you disconnect yourself from a major social source such as facebook, suddenly the interaction goes from a large amount of people to just a handful. I am annoyed with myself that I have been sharing details of my life with people who don't care to stay in touch. I am not upset with the people, just myself. It seems like if it takes less effort to keep up with someone, people have no problem reaching out, and if it takes more effort and isn't directly at your fingertips, less people do.
I am okay with all of this. It is a good thing. My friends reach out and they have been very supportive of me, and have thought of me and called, emailed, or come by. My real true friends know exactly who they are, and I am so thankful that God has chosen to bless my life through them. I am thankful that the acquaintances that I have/have had are/were in my life as well. Mostly I am thankful for the clarity I am beginning to have to see which are which and what to do with that information.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Comparing
One thing that I do, that I have always done, and grapple with on an almost daily basis, is that I compare myself with other people. Constantly. Beauty, parenting abilities, talent, intelligence, weight, popularity...these are just some of the things that I compare. The thing is, I always come up short. Whoever I am comparing myself to, they are always much better off at whatever the thing is than I am.
I was talking to a friend this morning (something else I have more time and more inspiration to do now) and I was telling her this and she commented that I am much too hard on myself. We talked about how I have been feeling happier with myself than I was, and how I am gaining comfort in my own skin (something I have been lacking for a good long time now) and just how in general, I am more content to be me.
Something she said struck me. "It's because you are no longer comparing yourself to 200 other people."
Wow. She is so incredibly right. I am no longer reading about 200 other peoples days and deciding how those 200 people are way better than I am at pretty much everything. I am not becoming socially inept. Instead, I am having phone conversations, seeing people, conversing with people that I see every week at church but don't usually stop and talk to, and I am happy. I am feeling something else I haven't felt in a long time, content. I don't need to be more stylish, I don't need to be prettier, I don't need to have 45 people comment on my post about whatever, I don't need to be better at underwaterbasketweaving, etc. etc. to be happy. I am happy being me, looking like me, having the friends that I have, and doing what I do.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This next bit is regarding religion, so if you don't want to read it, stop here, that's fine. If you want to read and think I am a whack job, feel free. If you want to debate my belief system, it won't hurt my feelings.
The constant comparing, as I said, is something I struggle with. It is also something I have been working on. I had somewhat of an epiphany regarding this at the beginning of the year, and it is something I have tried to keep constant awareness of, but the no facebook has made it easier.
When I compare myself to someone else, and I come up short, what I am in essence saying is that God didn't do a good enough job when He made me the way I am. Who am I to say that? I may never be the best <insert whatever here>, but I am the way God made me, with the gifts He gave me, and it is wrong of me, sinful actually, to act as if I know better than He who/what/how I should be. That's not to say I don't need to work hard towards goals, or try to get better at something or practice, etc. but I need to be happy with who I am and get to like myself. This was made clear to me before now, but now I feel as if I am truly starting to understand how to put this theory into practice.
I was talking to a friend this morning (something else I have more time and more inspiration to do now) and I was telling her this and she commented that I am much too hard on myself. We talked about how I have been feeling happier with myself than I was, and how I am gaining comfort in my own skin (something I have been lacking for a good long time now) and just how in general, I am more content to be me.
Something she said struck me. "It's because you are no longer comparing yourself to 200 other people."
Wow. She is so incredibly right. I am no longer reading about 200 other peoples days and deciding how those 200 people are way better than I am at pretty much everything. I am not becoming socially inept. Instead, I am having phone conversations, seeing people, conversing with people that I see every week at church but don't usually stop and talk to, and I am happy. I am feeling something else I haven't felt in a long time, content. I don't need to be more stylish, I don't need to be prettier, I don't need to have 45 people comment on my post about whatever, I don't need to be better at underwaterbasketweaving, etc. etc. to be happy. I am happy being me, looking like me, having the friends that I have, and doing what I do.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This next bit is regarding religion, so if you don't want to read it, stop here, that's fine. If you want to read and think I am a whack job, feel free. If you want to debate my belief system, it won't hurt my feelings.
The constant comparing, as I said, is something I struggle with. It is also something I have been working on. I had somewhat of an epiphany regarding this at the beginning of the year, and it is something I have tried to keep constant awareness of, but the no facebook has made it easier.
When I compare myself to someone else, and I come up short, what I am in essence saying is that God didn't do a good enough job when He made me the way I am. Who am I to say that? I may never be the best <insert whatever here>, but I am the way God made me, with the gifts He gave me, and it is wrong of me, sinful actually, to act as if I know better than He who/what/how I should be. That's not to say I don't need to work hard towards goals, or try to get better at something or practice, etc. but I need to be happy with who I am and get to like myself. This was made clear to me before now, but now I feel as if I am truly starting to understand how to put this theory into practice.
Wonderful Weekend
I did not write a blog post for the weekend days because we had out of town company. The time went by way too quickly with our dear friends, but the only time i picked up the computer at all was to pour over some things on pinterest with my friend, and I think to look up the weather as they left this morning.
We talked a bit about how things are going with the no facebook thing, and it was fun to discuss the positive ways that it has affected my life. My friend gave up her faceboook account some time back, and I always thought to myself, "I could never do that." But really, I seeing how she could. I am thinking that when this 40 day period is over, I may just check in once a week. I am already thinking that this will be a good way to cull down my friends list for sure. I will be able to know which people I missed and thought of (and maybe even who missed and thought of me) and anyone who doesn't fit in that category, I plan on doing a serious evaluation on whether or not I need to be able to be a voyeur into their lives, and whether or not they need to be a voyeur into mine.
A wonderful part of this weekend: we have officially been recognized by our diocese as candidates for confirmation. This is the reason our friends came up here to see us, was to be with us as we went to the Cathedral and had our enrollment. We see them on a regular basis anyway, not just a specific reason, but this was the main purpose this trip.
Our friends are our sponsors for our conversion. Long story without too many details: I knew the husband of our friend couple when I was in high school (different schools). Nick knew the wife of the couple. Neither one of our couple met the other half in high school. I lost touch with the husband, got connected again some years later and we realized we had married spouses who went to the same school, and then that they knew each other. We got our families together for a nervous first visit (what if his wife/her husband don't like us?) and the rest is history.
I believe that God has had a hand on me in my life from the beginning. I believe that each step I have taken in my life was known about by God, and that all parts, even the bad ones, have had a reason. To me though, to be able to trace the path that I am on now back to high school, well, honestly, it blows me away. God knew that when I made a friend 20 some years ago, that it would be that very friend who would marry his wife, who was Catholic, and that he would convert, and that years after that, we would reconnect and that their family would be a catalyst in our conversion process.
Seeing my children and theirs (who may as well be siblings at this point) saying the same prayers together now, when the first time we got together my kids had no idea what those prayers were, it warms my heart in a way I cannot even describe. Our friends have held our hands from the beginning of this process, even when we were just questioning, and now they are sponsoring Nick and myself, and our oldest daughter as well, for our Confirmations. They have also taken on the roll of Godparents of the girls.
I already knew I am lucky to have the people in my life that I do, but now it feels like I can see it and appreciate it more clearly than before.
We talked a bit about how things are going with the no facebook thing, and it was fun to discuss the positive ways that it has affected my life. My friend gave up her faceboook account some time back, and I always thought to myself, "I could never do that." But really, I seeing how she could. I am thinking that when this 40 day period is over, I may just check in once a week. I am already thinking that this will be a good way to cull down my friends list for sure. I will be able to know which people I missed and thought of (and maybe even who missed and thought of me) and anyone who doesn't fit in that category, I plan on doing a serious evaluation on whether or not I need to be able to be a voyeur into their lives, and whether or not they need to be a voyeur into mine.
A wonderful part of this weekend: we have officially been recognized by our diocese as candidates for confirmation. This is the reason our friends came up here to see us, was to be with us as we went to the Cathedral and had our enrollment. We see them on a regular basis anyway, not just a specific reason, but this was the main purpose this trip.
Our friends are our sponsors for our conversion. Long story without too many details: I knew the husband of our friend couple when I was in high school (different schools). Nick knew the wife of the couple. Neither one of our couple met the other half in high school. I lost touch with the husband, got connected again some years later and we realized we had married spouses who went to the same school, and then that they knew each other. We got our families together for a nervous first visit (what if his wife/her husband don't like us?) and the rest is history.
I believe that God has had a hand on me in my life from the beginning. I believe that each step I have taken in my life was known about by God, and that all parts, even the bad ones, have had a reason. To me though, to be able to trace the path that I am on now back to high school, well, honestly, it blows me away. God knew that when I made a friend 20 some years ago, that it would be that very friend who would marry his wife, who was Catholic, and that he would convert, and that years after that, we would reconnect and that their family would be a catalyst in our conversion process.
Seeing my children and theirs (who may as well be siblings at this point) saying the same prayers together now, when the first time we got together my kids had no idea what those prayers were, it warms my heart in a way I cannot even describe. Our friends have held our hands from the beginning of this process, even when we were just questioning, and now they are sponsoring Nick and myself, and our oldest daughter as well, for our Confirmations. They have also taken on the roll of Godparents of the girls.
I already knew I am lucky to have the people in my life that I do, but now it feels like I can see it and appreciate it more clearly than before.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Sometimes I have to remind myself...
This morning, I re-pinned something on pinterest that is really fitting to my current path. (I have not given up pinterest for Lent, as I don't see it as a social media since it is just for things that I want to keep track of.)
It was one of those inspirational type quotes. It said:
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I don't have to do what everyone else is doing.
I see what looks like fads all the time on facebook, and in real life too, but since this blog is all about not doing facebook for 40 days, I will focus on that. It seems like the same things go around, the same pictures get shared, quotes, videos, news articles, etc. There are fads that range from clothing/accessory styles, parenting, crafting, eating styles, photography, and the list goes on.
Don't get me wrong, these are not bad things. It is a great place for sharing ideas, for what works, and for new recipes, ways to eat healthier, music to listen to, books to read, really a plethora of things. It is so easy though, at least for me, to get caught up in the whole "well, everyone else is doing this so..." thing.
Not being on facebook, well, I am not seeing what everyone else is doing. This is a good thing for me. Instead, I am doing what I enjoy doing, and I am influenced only by those close to me and who are around me and who are present in my life. If I have a problem, I need to come up with a solution to it on my own. I have realized that on a social media network like facebook, it is so easy to let others do the thinking for me. Now I am re-learning how to think on my own.
It is funny, with the cutting down of electriconics, I have become more conversational with my family. I feel like I am more present in my home, if that makes sense. Not that I was neglecting my home, more like I was neglecting myself and my own inner thoughts and feelings.
I have completed my to do list, and then some, and I have actually spent a lot of the day just sitting, listening to the happy sounds of my kids, and reading. It is nice doing what I want, with no regards to what everyone else is doing.
It was one of those inspirational type quotes. It said:
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I don't have to do what everyone else is doing.
I see what looks like fads all the time on facebook, and in real life too, but since this blog is all about not doing facebook for 40 days, I will focus on that. It seems like the same things go around, the same pictures get shared, quotes, videos, news articles, etc. There are fads that range from clothing/accessory styles, parenting, crafting, eating styles, photography, and the list goes on.
Don't get me wrong, these are not bad things. It is a great place for sharing ideas, for what works, and for new recipes, ways to eat healthier, music to listen to, books to read, really a plethora of things. It is so easy though, at least for me, to get caught up in the whole "well, everyone else is doing this so..." thing.
Not being on facebook, well, I am not seeing what everyone else is doing. This is a good thing for me. Instead, I am doing what I enjoy doing, and I am influenced only by those close to me and who are around me and who are present in my life. If I have a problem, I need to come up with a solution to it on my own. I have realized that on a social media network like facebook, it is so easy to let others do the thinking for me. Now I am re-learning how to think on my own.
It is funny, with the cutting down of electriconics, I have become more conversational with my family. I feel like I am more present in my home, if that makes sense. Not that I was neglecting my home, more like I was neglecting myself and my own inner thoughts and feelings.
I have completed my to do list, and then some, and I have actually spent a lot of the day just sitting, listening to the happy sounds of my kids, and reading. It is nice doing what I want, with no regards to what everyone else is doing.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
What is that?
Oh....yeah....it's quiet. I have forgotten what quiet was like. Without my phone blinging off and on all day letting me know of a facebook notification, it has been a lot quieter here. The only thing blinging from my phone is the occasional email, text message, or blackberry message from Nick. I am quickly getting out of the habit of picking the phone up constantly to look at it. I caught myself doing it once this morning, and that was really the only time.
Back to the quiet. Besides the physical quiet, there is also the mental quiet. The lack of constant distraction has caused me to have to adjust to just being, and just sitting with my thoughts, and it has also made me realize just how not relaxed I am.
I have also been a lot more productive. I am still exhausted from thyroid issues that are not quite under control with medication yet, and still doing a "15 minutes of doing followed by 15 minutes of resting" thing, but I have gotten a lot more done. We have good friends coming in this weekend to stay a few days, and usually by this time I am still rushing around like a madwoman preparing. The only thing left to do is put fresh sheets on the beds for them tomorrow morning.
I got done with the items on my to do list, did some more things that were not on my to do list but needed done, and then.....I sat. In the quiet. I checked my email from the laptop, played a few minutes of a dopey game, but even that, which usually can suck me in for an hour or more, wasn't quite cutting it for me.
I thought about reading for a while, but instead I just sat. In the quiet.
I think I could get used to this quiet thing.
***DISCLAIMER***
I do have 4 children, so my "quiet" and the quiet of someone who does not have 4 children, or whose children are in school, or.....you get it. Your mileage may vary on the quiet bit. But, it was enough for me.
Back to the quiet. Besides the physical quiet, there is also the mental quiet. The lack of constant distraction has caused me to have to adjust to just being, and just sitting with my thoughts, and it has also made me realize just how not relaxed I am.
I have also been a lot more productive. I am still exhausted from thyroid issues that are not quite under control with medication yet, and still doing a "15 minutes of doing followed by 15 minutes of resting" thing, but I have gotten a lot more done. We have good friends coming in this weekend to stay a few days, and usually by this time I am still rushing around like a madwoman preparing. The only thing left to do is put fresh sheets on the beds for them tomorrow morning.
I got done with the items on my to do list, did some more things that were not on my to do list but needed done, and then.....I sat. In the quiet. I checked my email from the laptop, played a few minutes of a dopey game, but even that, which usually can suck me in for an hour or more, wasn't quite cutting it for me.
I thought about reading for a while, but instead I just sat. In the quiet.
I think I could get used to this quiet thing.
***DISCLAIMER***
I do have 4 children, so my "quiet" and the quiet of someone who does not have 4 children, or whose children are in school, or.....you get it. Your mileage may vary on the quiet bit. But, it was enough for me.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Ash Wednesday
So today has been a crummy day. Nothing catastrophically big or bad has happened, but it's been one of those days where it is a series of small annoyances that have popped up one after the other after the other. Nothing insurmountable, but just "one of those days."
What has been surprising to me is how many times I have picked up my phone to check facebook. I hadn't realized just how much I have been using it as a distraction. It wasn't that I had the need to post anything, but I found myself reaching for it so that I could read about other peoples days rather than figure out how to positively turn my own day around. It is a very interesting thing.
I have discovered that when I am stressed and annoyed about something in my day, I use it as a distraction. Also, when waiting for my husband to go into a building and pay a bill and come out, my instinct was to reach for it, to fill time and read while waiting.
I think as a society, with all of the instant technology in our hands, we have forgotten how to wait.
Ironic. The Lenten season is all about waiting. We are waiting for the time that Our Lord died on the cross, and waiting for the time that He was resurrected. It is a time of listening, and reflecting, and waiting. I have forgotten how to wait.
What can I do that is productive during these times I would reach for my phone? Of course, I can pray. I can think about the situation I am in and decide to make it as positive an experience as I can. I can talk to a saint and ask him/her to pray for me. I can do any number of things. Or I can wait. I can just wait quietly and patiently and enjoy the beauty that I am surrounded by, the beauty I often fail to see because of any various number of electronic devices in my hand, the beauty that is hidden by the distractions that I put in front of myself.
We went to an Ash Wednesday Mass this afternoon. On our way into the church in the parking lot, we saw one of the priests that is covering our parish while our priest is on a medical leave. Yesterday, at the pancake supper, Juliette had asked him if priests have to give up stuff for Lent too. He told her yes, that it wouldn't be right for him to ask us to give something up when he wasn't willing to do that himself. He came over to us to tell Jules something he had forgotten. If you are over the age of 59, you are not required to fast during Lent. But, he told her, he recommended it anyway, because what a beautiful thing it is. Such words of wisdom.
I am excited to learn to be quiet, and to learn to wait, and to learn just stop and see the beauty of what's around me.
What has been surprising to me is how many times I have picked up my phone to check facebook. I hadn't realized just how much I have been using it as a distraction. It wasn't that I had the need to post anything, but I found myself reaching for it so that I could read about other peoples days rather than figure out how to positively turn my own day around. It is a very interesting thing.
I have discovered that when I am stressed and annoyed about something in my day, I use it as a distraction. Also, when waiting for my husband to go into a building and pay a bill and come out, my instinct was to reach for it, to fill time and read while waiting.
I think as a society, with all of the instant technology in our hands, we have forgotten how to wait.
Ironic. The Lenten season is all about waiting. We are waiting for the time that Our Lord died on the cross, and waiting for the time that He was resurrected. It is a time of listening, and reflecting, and waiting. I have forgotten how to wait.
What can I do that is productive during these times I would reach for my phone? Of course, I can pray. I can think about the situation I am in and decide to make it as positive an experience as I can. I can talk to a saint and ask him/her to pray for me. I can do any number of things. Or I can wait. I can just wait quietly and patiently and enjoy the beauty that I am surrounded by, the beauty I often fail to see because of any various number of electronic devices in my hand, the beauty that is hidden by the distractions that I put in front of myself.
We went to an Ash Wednesday Mass this afternoon. On our way into the church in the parking lot, we saw one of the priests that is covering our parish while our priest is on a medical leave. Yesterday, at the pancake supper, Juliette had asked him if priests have to give up stuff for Lent too. He told her yes, that it wouldn't be right for him to ask us to give something up when he wasn't willing to do that himself. He came over to us to tell Jules something he had forgotten. If you are over the age of 59, you are not required to fast during Lent. But, he told her, he recommended it anyway, because what a beautiful thing it is. Such words of wisdom.
I am excited to learn to be quiet, and to learn to wait, and to learn just stop and see the beauty of what's around me.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Fat Tuesday
I am setting this blog up to document my Lenten Journey. The main thing I am giving up for Lent is social media, specifically in the form of Facebook.
I am excited about this journey and it will be interesting to see how my life changes without the time suck that facebook has become in my life, and without the extra baggage that social media adds. A friend suggested documenting my 40 days and I think it will be a perfect way to look back and see the path that my journey has taken. This hiatus will force me to focus on what is in front me, and on the relationships I have that are true interaction with people, not just reading status updates.
I have noticed for myself that as my online social interaction goes up, my personal in life interaction goes down. It is like the one substitutes for the other. I don't really think that is a healthy thing, at least not for me.
I have been experiencing some depression and anxiety lately, and I will admit that there have been times that it has been crippling. I have been feeling very small and insignificant. Reading about 200 other peoples daily lives, lives that I am not truly a part of, well, that hasn't helped me any. Realizing that I have a certain number of people on my "friends" list, and then counting how many of those people I actually have interaction with on a daily or even weekly basis, well, that has been eye opening.
I am hoping this experience will open my eyes. I have people whose lives I influence on a daily basis right in front of me. First and foremost, my husband and children. Then there are friends I see on a weekly basis in person, and some I see on a monthly basis. There are also those that I may not see for years, but who I keep in touch with and talk to on the phone on a regular basis. There are people I see every week in my class, and people I see every week at church. I am realizing I need to focus on what I have, rather than on what I don't have, and cultivate those friendships.
It will be interesting to see who I miss reading about. It will be interesting to see who will miss me. The best thing about this is that I am doing this for ME. I started out ramping down, posting less, commenting less, as the day got closer. Then this last week, I have been checking facebook way more often than I used to, getting in that last little bit before I give it up completely. Now the time is almost here and I am ready.
So, if you choose to follow my journey, I am glad to have you. If not, if I am the only one reading this, I am alright with that too. It's all about reflection. At the end of this 40 day period, I will have had my First Holy Communion, and my Confirmation, and I will be a full member of the Catholic Church. I know a lot of people don't agree with this choice I have made, and that's okay. This is my story, and while I am happy to share it, it's all about me. This is my journey.
I am excited about this journey and it will be interesting to see how my life changes without the time suck that facebook has become in my life, and without the extra baggage that social media adds. A friend suggested documenting my 40 days and I think it will be a perfect way to look back and see the path that my journey has taken. This hiatus will force me to focus on what is in front me, and on the relationships I have that are true interaction with people, not just reading status updates.
I have noticed for myself that as my online social interaction goes up, my personal in life interaction goes down. It is like the one substitutes for the other. I don't really think that is a healthy thing, at least not for me.
I have been experiencing some depression and anxiety lately, and I will admit that there have been times that it has been crippling. I have been feeling very small and insignificant. Reading about 200 other peoples daily lives, lives that I am not truly a part of, well, that hasn't helped me any. Realizing that I have a certain number of people on my "friends" list, and then counting how many of those people I actually have interaction with on a daily or even weekly basis, well, that has been eye opening.
I am hoping this experience will open my eyes. I have people whose lives I influence on a daily basis right in front of me. First and foremost, my husband and children. Then there are friends I see on a weekly basis in person, and some I see on a monthly basis. There are also those that I may not see for years, but who I keep in touch with and talk to on the phone on a regular basis. There are people I see every week in my class, and people I see every week at church. I am realizing I need to focus on what I have, rather than on what I don't have, and cultivate those friendships.
It will be interesting to see who I miss reading about. It will be interesting to see who will miss me. The best thing about this is that I am doing this for ME. I started out ramping down, posting less, commenting less, as the day got closer. Then this last week, I have been checking facebook way more often than I used to, getting in that last little bit before I give it up completely. Now the time is almost here and I am ready.
So, if you choose to follow my journey, I am glad to have you. If not, if I am the only one reading this, I am alright with that too. It's all about reflection. At the end of this 40 day period, I will have had my First Holy Communion, and my Confirmation, and I will be a full member of the Catholic Church. I know a lot of people don't agree with this choice I have made, and that's okay. This is my story, and while I am happy to share it, it's all about me. This is my journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)